My 5 Tips for Keeping Friends for Life

So you went out and made the friend, maybe they were in a class, in a coffee shop, workplace, or through another friend. It does not matter where you meet the friend as long as you have made them. I have made many best friends through my years. Some of these people I have known since I was a child and others I had made in the past couple of years. But with all of them I am very close to and they know they can be close with me. I want to give you some tips on how to keep long lasting friendships and to make lifelong friends with people so they become family.

Rule of Reciprocity

If you like psychology, like me, then you probably have heard of the social psychology theory of reciprocity. Let me break this down for you, reciprocity is the rule of giving something and then someone feeling obligated to give in return. The very basic practice of this is when someone gives you a compliment you probably feel an internal need to give them one back. They shared something with you and now you have a desire to share with them. Let me move this directly to friendships. When you are with a friend you may share something personal with them and then that friend will want to share something personal with you. You can use this to your advantage. Because if you are willing to get real with a friend you are building a bond with them and then they act likewise. This can make friendships form faster and more deeply then if you do not share anything personal to you with someone else. This builds rapport in our friendships and makes them last longer through the years.

Honesty

This is the cornerstone of most relationships that are built to last. When you have a friend and choose to lie or keep all your thoughts to yourself you are actually damaging the relationships. I think we have all been in a situation where someone not telling us the truth hurts much, much more than the truth. Because a friendship cannot stand the test of time if you always are moving away from the truth to make someone feel good, or not hurt their feelings. This does not mean that you are unkind and are rude to someone. Still care about their feelings, but also let them know when they need some counsel of honesty in their life. Know timing as well is important and never being harsh is key, because if someone in the friendship ends up with deeply hurt feelings then the friendship may be lost.

Making time for them

A key part of friendship is spending time together. This can looking like hanging out in person or over any other medium. But make time for them. This might mean scheduling time if you are busy or they are. Just be consistent. Let them know you are their for them and have time for them. Be purposeful and do not just wait on this new friend to make time for you. You might be left wanting to hang out and they might want to be together, but no one is saying it. Make a move and ask them to spend time together. The other part of this is keeping the commitment to hang out. Too many people are so easy to bail out on promises. Show someone you care by showing up. Be a friend basically.

Shut up and Listen

If you are busy just talking you cannot listen. It is about listening and not just hearing your friend. Sometimes a friend needs to tell you something and you need to be there to listen. Maybe this requires you to not have input and just listen. Be there for them when they need you to hear them talk about something in their life they are excited, scared, and everything in between about. This sets the precedent that they will listen to you when you need it. When you can listen you can learn more about your friend then if you are busy always talking. This builds respect in the relationship that you will be there and make sure that both of you are heard and appreciated.

Notice what they like

Have you had a friend that knows what you like, gives the best presents, and just gets you? That is because they are paying attention to you. Noticing all the little things you do and how you do it. This may come easy to you, or it might be difficult. But at least try to notice. Just think how nice and special it is when a friend just surprises you with a little gift or something. That is amazing is it not? This can be something as simple as giving your friend a flower, a chicken nugget, or anything. Just know what they like and share with them. This adds value to the friendship and creates a bond because you now trust each other when it comes to gifts.

Thank you for reading this, you are special and people are lucky to be your friend. Friends are not something to take for granted and are so special. A life with no friends are a very difficult life. Treat someone well and you will be able to have them with you for years. Appreciate those around you and know that they can change your life and you can change theirs.